To My 20 yr old Self

Today's date 22/02/2013.

Dear 20yr old Self,

Child there are worlds you must hear me speak and you must change your actions immediately.

The sadness of your mum dying is going to hit you hard but you must feel it in the moment and then try your hardest to get past it and really LIVE your life.

Keep going to church and out with your friends. They all love you very much and you will find yourself incredibly lonely if you shut yourself off from your family, friends and god when you do.

Don't move out of home. Your dad is way to stubborn to admit this but he needs you. He is in way too much finanical hardship without you that he will have to sell up and down grade to a smaller house in the suburbs of Salisbury where he feels incredibly sad and lonely all the time.

In time your pain will pass and become less raw and open. You will wish that you never moved out. This will burden you for many years and will never fully go away.

I know you think that your ready for Sex but let me tell you something, your not a sex goddess. Your not doing it for the right reasons you will feel totatlly used and dirty and ashamed. Know that the only thing that will heal your heart is being with the people that love you the most your friends, family and god so pray, play with your dog take him for walks, keep going to church and say yes when your friends ask you out cause one day your will miss their friendship and be full of regrets.

Ok so hears where things get a little crazy. Your totally an akward person with other people and you espcially don't like conflict but your going to live a few places and your going to keep moving becuase your constantly be looking for a home to call yours and you will never find it. You don't realise that you need to change, that your actually the problem and you need time to grow up and sort yourself out to become a strong and confifent women. We are still working on this.

Step away from the computer and stay away from the internet. please stay active!

Lastly your not ready for a relationship so don't try and get in to one before your ready, trust me it ends in you feeling emotionaly dead from somone that only wants to control you and will do so by being a emotional bully.

Remember your stronger then you think you are!

Much love your 29yr old Self Xo